Tired of being a yes person? Saying yes to everyone else but yourself. 

Understand that boundaries are about your relationship with yourself and your values, and that they shouldn’t be so unsettled.

Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and understanding your identity. Whether in work or in our personal relationships, poor boundaries lead to resentment, anger and burnout. 

Here is how to be more yellow with setting boundaries…

Know your boundaries

These are your values. Boundaries are representative of how much or little you respect yourself. Notice how you feel – if stressed, resentful or angry, your values have been taken advantage of. Physical boundaries include your body, sense of personal space and sexual orientation. Emotional boundaries include beliefs, behaviours, choices, sense of responsibility, and your ability to be intimate with others.

You can’t change others, so change yourself

Since you can’t change other people, change how you deal with them. They may be motivated to change if their old ways no longer work. Remain firm! 
For example, dealing with those who emotionally blackmail to get what they want. Start declining the workload, and eventually they will stop asking. Over time you will handle your emotional responses better. 

Let your behaviour, not your words, speak for you

Your boundaries will be tested. Decide what the consequences are and stick to it. Don’t present them with an ultimatum. For example, “During work hours, I will not look at my mobile phone to avoid unnecessary distractions. If you get in touch, I will contact you later in the day”

Other examples of consequences are:

• Time Management – “If you are not on time, I will leave in my own car. I can meet you at the venue”
• Money – “If you spend over our budget, I will withdraw my money and use a separate account”
• Repaying debts – “until I see you making efforts to pay me back, I will no longer lend you money”
• Family Time – “I would love to bring your grandchildren to see you, but if you prefer to watch TV during their visit, it’s best we visit another time”
• Relationship Conflict – “to keep our children safe from the alcohol abuse, we will move out of the house until you have control of your addiction”

Communicate

You can have the most healthy set of boundaries but if you do not communicate them clearly, you are going to create some really confusing relationships, both for you and everyone else involved. Be direct if necessary. 

We conceal our true feelings because we’re scared of people’s reactions. The more you ground yourself with your boundaries and values, the more you’ll be able to be very clear in your communication. 

You’ll know you’re getting healthier when this doesn’t get an emotional reaction out of you. When your boundaries are your core beliefs, you will not get riled up if you are tested.